Category Archives: humor

A Christmas Day Homage to Peanuts

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I have decided to revive Russellpop from it’s early grave. I just got through reading an excellent biography of Charles Schultz entitled Schultz and Peanuts by David Michaelis. As I was growing up I identified with Charlie Brown and Linus. I understood the underlying loneliness and dark humor beneath what seemed at first to just be a family-friendly cartoon. Actually it was the first newspaper cartoon which reflected life as it is, with all of it’s disappointment and sad wistful longing for a world that never existed to begin with. Peanuts wasn’t always great, and as Schultz grew older his strip lost it’s edge, and became much more sentimental. But in the fifties and sixties he spoke for the baby boom generation, introducing a comic strip ‘anti-hero’. Today is Christmas and instead of writing about my usual crappy feelings on this holiday, I thought it appropriate to write a little about Peanuts, after all the best known Peanuts cartoon was actually the Christmas special which aired in 1965 and has since become a regular holiday event. Unfortunately most of the animated films of Peanuts which followed were dreadful, with the exception of the Halloween special which was excellent, and the second Christmas special which was almost as good as the first. But most of what followed is unwatchable. As I killed time on this holiday, browsing through old Peanuts cartoons (I am embarrassed to say that I have hardback copies of all of the Peanuts strips from the beginning (1950) through 1970.) As I read them I wished that many of the classic ones could be animated, brought to life with color, and voices, and movement. Then, as I browsed Youtube for Peanuts related material, I discovered that in 2008, 20 motion comics were made based on some of the best strips from 1964. They were made with the blessing of the Charles Schultz estate, and they are excellent. Even though they are not fully animated, you would never notice it. Peanuts is a very simple, basic comic and so the animation required is minimal anyway. But the color and the voices which sound identical to the voices used on the classic Peanuts animated films, are excellent. Very special care is taken to preserve the integrity of the original Schultz drawings. In some cases, the humor comes across even more strongly when animated.  I hope more of these will be made. I have noticed that they got mixed reviews, negative from those who would rather the old strips were not messed with, and positive from those who like how those classic strips were enhanced by this motion comic process. Not all comics lend themselves to this kind of treatment, but because Peanuts had a simple visual structure, it lends itself well to this format. I would encourage you to read the biography of Charles Schultz I mentioned, which contains some surprising information which flies in the face of what is traditionally thought about Schultz. For instance, even though he was quite religious in his younger years, teaching Sunday school and including religious themes at times in his strip, he came to dislike evangelical Christianity and any kind of mass commercialism of Christianity. He developed a kind of melancholy view of life, wistful, longing for a past that really only existed in his imagination. He never thought he amounted to very much, and thought, at the age of 75 that it was a total waste of time to have spent all his life drawing a comic strip. He was not particularly fond of children, and thought that children were anything but innocent, that actually they could be very cruel. He kept returning to the loneliness and hurt of his childhood right up to when he died. His comic strip meant a lot to me when I was a child. I never thought of myself as a child, rather I thought I was a small adult, and Peanuts captured my point of view exactly. Here are four short motion comics of some of my favorite strips from 1964.

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Cock Culture

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WARNING: THIS POST COULD BE CONSTRUED AS PORNOGRAPHIC BY THOSE WHO ARE OFFENDED BY THE SIGHT OF MALE GENITALIA. I DO THIS TO INJECT SOME HUMOR AND TO GET THE READER TO THINKING ABOUT HIS OR HER REACTIONS TO THE SIGHT OF A PENIS. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY PENISES I SUGGEST YOU CLICK OFF OF THIS POST AND FIND SOMETHING MORE TO YOUR TASTE.

The penis has played such an important role in American history it should be given it’s own stamp.

The penis is a much disparaged organ. It is blamed for the appalling state of our popular culture. If only men were dickless then perhaps things would be better. I think that kind of thinking is wrong. I feel sexuality should be celebrated, while recognizing how it’s misuse leads to sickening abuse and worse. I love my own penis, other guy’s jolly organ I tolerate. I can certainly understand why women (and men) would consider the penis to be quite ugly. It is just a tube after all. It serves it’s function and that is pretty much it. It isn’t even particularly good design. Urination and procreation performed by the same tube? Bad idea. But I already posted my thoughts about the penis. Here I want to write about Cock Culture. I don’t even like the word ‘Cock’. I don’t like ‘Cunt’ either. That ‘k’ sound is so unpleasant, not sexy at all. I prefer penis because it is a silly name, at least the name is unoffensive even if the organ isn’t. Actually it is the person attached to the penis that is offensive, don’t you think?

This testosterone driven culture that we inherited from the British enabled us to almost conquer a continent. We raped and pillaged our way across virgin territory, driving out the native Americans. Because we could. That is the ethos of Cock Culture. If you can’t eat it, then fuck it. Spreading our seed without regard for the feelings of the fucked was our manifest destiny. We felt we could always manage to achieve an erection and push ourselves onto the rest of the world. We shoved our cock into the mouths of Vietnam, and today we are attempting to do the same in Afghanistan and it isn’t working so well. Of course it failed miserably in Vietnam. Many still reason that we lost that war because we just didn’t keep on thrusting until we achieved orgasm. We committed the cardinal sin of Cock Culture. We pulled out. We continue to force the rest of the world to take notice of us. We shove our cocks into the unwilling faces of the rest of the world, with little regard for the indigenous culture. We have to have the largest and longest cock, the greatest nation in the world!! This is our sickness. Our politicians jerk us off every four years with their patriotic talk of America’s greatness. As you undoubtedly know (provided you are a man), your judgement is impaired when you are caught up in a lustful frenzy. Ooops! I just assumed she wanted it. Of course she did, look at how she is dressed. She is begging for it. And of course the penis, being a mere tube, has no scruples.

Come on and ride the Penis Train! It will be a long hard ride, but when you get to your destination you will be so satisfied!

But make no mistake, Cock Culture built America. When we built the railroads and sent these phallic engines charging across the landscape asserting our economic will, this was one of our grandest erections. Many men today look back fondly on that spectacular orgasm. Back in those days men stroked their cocks with pride. They were doing the lord’s work! Of course it wasn’t until Sigmund Freud explained it to us that we recognized how important a role the penis played in all aspects of civilization by the sword. It is all about sex, Freud said, and he made a good point. But that proved to be the beginning of the end for Cock Culture. It used to be, and still is to a large extent, that the penis was forbidden. You didn’t talk about it, think about it, you never played with it, and you certainly never presented it for perusal in mixed company, or any company for that matter. It is perfectly ok to display the vagina for this helps to dispel the mysterious hold this enclosure has over our male psyche. But displaying the penis is sick. Why? Because it amounts to the same thing as pulling back the curtain to reveal the little old wrinkled man pulling the levers, pretending to be this magnificent monster, the Cock!! It helps to dispel the myth of the penis, the myth of forbidden sexuality. I view with considerable trepidation my posting photos of the penis. WordPress may punish me dearly for this transgression. What if children saw this? I doubt any children check out my blog anyway, but if they did, it might just (oh my God!!) lead to questions. Why is the penis bad, daddy? Ask your mother. Why is the penis bad, mommy? Ask your dad. And on it goes, until finally they get something along the lines that it is nasty and private. Such ideas really make for a lousy time of it when these children attempt to come to terms with their own penises or vaginas. I say that is nonsense, people are nasty, penises are not. I would like to print t-shirts with a penis on them saying “Chill out! It’s just a tube!”

The penis plays such a central role in San Francisco’s culture that the city should place the head of a penis atop Coit Tower, as a celebration of San Francisco’s perpetual hard-on.

So anyhow I push the limits of acceptable blogging once again and if this causes my blog to suffer, I will remove the offending posts and do my penance. Forgive me for my outrageousness. (have you ever noticed how when something really bad happens, especially if it is sexual, it is called ‘outrageous’. I always thought that being outrageous was a good thing. It is the root of artistic creation and innovation. The popular media has hijacked this word!!! and made it offensive. Is being bland and inoffensive a sign of mental health. I think not. If this offended you, I gave you fair warning and you looked at it anyway. Why is that??

OMG!! What will Russellpop do next????

In Praise Of The Pointless and the Trivial

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Sorry Alec, I guess you fulfill an important purpose after all

Not long ago I posted a pretty scathing critique of television and I used Alec Baldwin as the poster boy for poor television. I’m sorry. I have no business getting up on my high horse because if I don’t watch television how can I possibly know what I am talking about? I can’t. Sometimes it is good to not have a point. To just mindlessly exist with no purpose. I’m down with that. I am sick of all this self-important nonsense that I spew. What the hell do I know? Television provides some comfort to many. Our lives consist of work, which we must do in order to survive. Hopefully we like our work, but even then it is still work. When we come home we don’t want to have to think. It is up to us to find meaning in our lives. If you derive satisfaction from television then who am I to deride it? It is a burden to be heavy and significant every moment of your life. The trivial has it’s purpose. It placates the restless anxious mind. That’s a good thing. I think I was being far too harsh on television. True art is a rare thing. If it were common it would cease to have it’s impact and become trivial. Some experiences are meant to be disposable. Enjoyed and then forgotten. Such is television. It never asked to be taken seriously. It was meant to bring a bit of pleasure and information into the average household, to make our lives a little less dreary. There were no lofty expectations, and there ought not be any now. So kick back and watch something fun, something totally dumb and pointless, because that is, in fact, the point. After I wrote that piece, which not surprisingly garnered no likes, I took stock of myself and realized I was full of it. How dare I knock television? By my own admission, I never watch it. FAIL Actually it’s not as bad as all that. It is just entertainment. If you want heavy significance read Nietzsche.

And finally, to belabor the point some more. I find that I often take life far too seriously. I just need to lighten up a bit. Maybe even a lot. I have been spending so much time dangling over the edge of a cliff that I have forgotten how to have fun. Television can offer that, if you let it. You can’t watch television like a critic watches it. That’s no good. Put your judgements in your back pocket and just let it wash over you. Forget all your cares and woes and just cut yourself adrift in an electronic sea. Give yourself a media massage. It helps a lot if you have plenty of chips, a pizza, some soft drinks. Junk food and tv are the perfect combo. You need not become a total couch potato, just restrict yourself to an hour or two of guilt free nonsense. You deserve it. For two hours cease to take yourself seriously, and be a total boob. Have no point and immerse yourself in trivia. That is my advice, although knowing myself as I do I will probably continue to take myself too seriously and indulge in blogging instead of watching television. But I know you will take to this advice with relish, hopefully on a couple of hot dogs. Enjoy!!

My Brain Hurts

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I can’t do this anymore! My brain hurts!

LESS FREQUENT BLOGGING IN THE FUTURE DUE TO MY JOB TAKING ALL MY ENERGY

I finished my third day of work today. I was unbelievably tired afterward. I walk two miles there in the morning and after work I walk two miles back. I get really sore from repeated motions all day long, pricing merchandize. But this will only last for a few weeks, then I will be helping customers all day long. But it is quite an adjustment going from all that free time before I had a job and now, in which all I do is work. Needless to say, I don’t feel like blogging right now, and I won’t most evenings. If I try to write it won’t come out well. So I won’t be blogging as frequently in the future. I will definitely try to post something on my day’s off, when I have the energy to do it. I want to continue my ongoing fiction series Stock Photo Woman Fantasy and post other things as well. But my usual habit of blogging every day isn’t going to work unless I have a sudden burst of energy, But now I am dog tired and just need to go to bed, so I can get up early tomorrow. So please don’t think that I have given up blogging because you don’t see posts as frequently. It’s just that my brain hurts.

 

PoopPop

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elegant solution to a common problem

I take great pride in my perverse imagination. I had planned to make yet another indecent proposal, installing a toilet at your desk at work. I am an older gentleman, and toilet matters are a major hassle. This idea is an elegant solution to a common problem. And even for time pressed businessmen and women, it is a priceless time saver! Just think of all that time wasted on the toilet? You’re sitting anyway, why not multitask? I like it! It appeals to my sense of order, as well as my perverse imagination. But as the above photo suggests, I am way behind the curve on this one. As a matter of fact, not only have many other people hit upon this idea, but I suspect it is already happening in office towers all across America. I just hope they have good ventilation! The photo above is by no means the only one. There are many photos, advertising the office toilet that is actually in the office. Not only that, there are even ads for a living room toilet. I kid you not. So just stick a fork in me, turn me over, I’m done! I can’t keep up with America’s perverse imagination. I am amazed! It’s toilet madness! There is a toilet subculture out there, who want to poop while blogging, talking on the phone, as they are relaxing in front of the big screen tv, or just chatting with friends. I am sure that my previous recommendation that we all go bottomless seems quaint, with a modest charm, compared with what is current in today’s sleek new culture…moving forward. Bowels that is. Do you think I am kidding? Check some of this stuff out.

The Kohler Numi: The Perfect Toilet For Your Living Room

All images credit Kohler

Yes, that is a toilet, sitting in the corner of Pierre Koenig’s Case Study House #22, in a reconstruction of perhaps the most famous architectural photograph ever, by the late Julius Shulman. I am excited by this new trend of putting toilets in the living room, where they can serve additional functions as a stool or end table, while providing the user with a dramatic view. But the toilet itself also has some terrific features worthy of note.

The above is from the Treehugger website at http://www.treehugger.com/bathroom-design/the-kohler-numi-the-perfect-toilet-for-your-living-room.html

Now I have examined this website, Treehugger, and it doesn’t appear to be a satirical humorous website. It’s about new developments in technology, which eliminate privacy altogether. How twenty-first century! Can you imagine the lovely couple above (and below) having a conversation over wine, when suddenly, “I’m dreadfully sorry! But I believe I need to take a bit of a dump!” “No problem, dear. There is a toilet right there. It’s top of the line, a Kohler Numi!” “Oh my! I hope I don’t spoil such a lovely toilet with my nasty poopy!” “Oh no! It’s self cleaning!” “Lovely” (the scene fades as we hear a series of grunts and heavy breathing). ARE THESE PEOPLE SERIOUS?!? A TOILET IN THE LIVING ROOM? C’mon people! The ad goes on!

I’m dreadfully sorry, but I believe I need to take a bit of a dump!

First of all, the Kohler Numi a completely hands-free toilet. Motion detectors lift the top and the toilet seat if required, so that your hands never touch the lid
I have discussed how healthy and wonderful a shower toilet, or bidet attachment is, (I can’t live without my blue bidet) but the Numi does it one better by having a warm air dryer as well, so that it really does become a hands-free procedure.
Other marvelous features are a deodorizer that pulls air through a filter and a built in music system ( both a must for a living room installation), a heated seat (there might be a draft by those picture windows) and even floor level vents that warm your feet and the floor in front of you. And, it even glows in the dark. Of course it is dual flush, and meets all of the latest energy and water standards.
I have always said that if you are going to live with less, then you need to buy quality. If we are going to finally get rid of that space wasting bathroom and give the toilet the important place that it deserves in our lives instead of hiding it away in a closet, then the revolutionary Kohler Numi is cheap at $6,390.

A bowel movement with a view, yours for $6.390! I was amazed that out of about ten or so people who liked this post on Treehugger, not one had a comment. I have a comment for Kohler, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???. I think this is hilarious. Can you imagine a rich couple showing off their new Kohler Numi. “Hey! mind if I give it a spin?” “Sure go ahead!” I guess in today’s culture we share literally everything. But I guess I agree with Lloyd Alter, the bathroom designer quoted above, it is kind of exciting to have a toilet in your living room, in a perverse sort of way. Kudos to Kohler for another groundbreaking development in poopology! (Hey! I think that will be my comment.)

It doesn’t stop there folks!! This woman below has hit upon the ultimate convenience of combining her bathroom and office. Now I would suppose she doesn’t invite people in while ‘doing her business’, but still, it’s a little perverse. Don’t you think? Or am I an old fuddy-duddy? This photo is from http://overflowfrommyhead.blogspot.com/ You can find numerous photos of the blogger prancing about with a plunger. What is this poo poo fixation? Let’s see what other crap I can find. Ha Ha

Michelle is thrilled with her efficient new arrangement
Nothing like a good poop after a hard day’s work

People just seem to love the whole idea of bringing toilets out of the bathroom and more into their daily lives. There is the easy chair toilet, and even a stock photo of a toilet/workplace combo. You know what? I’m going to need to wrap up this post because all this toilet madness has gotten to me. I need to use the toilet!

Don't shit where you tweet!

http://www.newsy.com/embed-video/5834/

What About the Children?

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Children love their bodies, until they are taught not to.

It has come to my attention from many an irate comment, that in my previous post, “A Bottomless World”, I failed to take children into consideration. What about the children? Well, I just gotta tell ya, I’m not worried. Kids are a lot smarter than you think. I seriously doubt that the sight of genitals will warp their impressionable little minds. They are curious too. Keeping sexuality hidden warps their impressionable little minds. Sex should be regarded as a normal, everyday activity. As common as shaking hands. No big deal, ok? And let’s face it! It would make the work of molesters much more difficult. Their intentions would be perfectly clear to everyone concerned. Let’s see those perverts weasel out of that one! Now, I’m not suggesting copulation in the streets. There is still a time and a place which is deemed appropriate. But bottomlessness is a refreshing solution to an age old problem. Personally, I think children would love it. Have you ever seen little kids romping around without their pants on, having a grand old time. Well I have. Kids love their bodies, especially their genitals, until some adult teaches them not to.

Yeah, I know. None of this puts your fears to rest. But here’s the thing. Perversion thrives in a sexually repressive society. If it is dirty, shameful, you will see a pervert smack dab in the middle of that mess! But if it isn’t hidden. If it is above board, out there for all to see, the thrill is gone! Think about it! An exhibitionist gets his or her thrill from the naughtiness of it. Our attitudes about sex make perversion attractive. If the sight of your genitals is treated the same as the sight of any other part of your body, where’s the thrill, the excitement? It becomes ordinary. Who wants to flash when everyone is flashing? Being clothed would become the sick thrill, then. They can’t see my penis, I hope I don’t get caught!

Children don’t start out being afraid of sexuality, but they learn very quickly. Then they develop horrendous notions about sexuality which distorts their sex lives. All this can be avoided with a little common sense. I believe in protecting children from molesters. I am not some hairy palmed freak. I just happen to think that having everyone bottomless won’t make that more likely. Perverts can’t hide in a bottomless world. Think about it! “Oh! I see you’re a little excited there, sir. What’s going on?” Nowhere to hide. Case closed.

What about the children? I think they will be just fine.

A Bottomless World

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You know what I think? I think we should just get over it! Over what you say? Sex. I am so sick of it! Sex alla time ever day! I doe know. Sorry about the accent, but for some reason that just popped out of me. But sex. Why don’t we just get it out of our system. Then we can attend to the really important matters, like which combination of breakfast cereals do I want to eat this morning. So allow me to make a proposal.

Let’s all go bottomless. What do you think? I mean naked is a bit impractical, and topless is too in-your-face, you cannot avoid it. But bottomless is quite the deal. You can ignore it if you just remember not to look down. Seriously though, who is going to do that? We will be checking each other out. It’s only natural. Our curiosity would be satisfied for the most part. Men could still wonder about those breasts. And women have been short changed for too many years, now they would get the full package. Sounds fair to me. Unsanitary? Not really. The people that go on about that old canard are just afraid of sex. They think it is yucky. Ew! get that away from me! Bodily fluids are good for you. Animals understand this. Why can’t we?

I mean in this age of tattoos and body adornment, don’t you think it is a shame to cover our wonderful works of art. Show it off! Oh, nice vagina bracelet you have there! Oh thank you, and your cock ring is awesome! It’s an ice breaker!, a conversation starter. Given the overwhelming preponderance of porn on the internet today, nobody is going to be shocked by this. I mean, let’s be honest. When newscasters joke that they aren’t wearing pants, they really won’t be wearing pants! Won’t this make the delivery of news a lot more interesting?

I like my idea. And I think you do too. You may not admit it publicly, but inside you’re saying, “I’d vote for that!” So let’s do it!

Hold on! Hold on! I can hear some of you saying, you realize, of course, that all of the people we would never ever in a million years want to see bottomless, would go bottomless. Have you ever been to a nude beach? Who do you see there? One hint. You don’t see Jessica Alba. You see all the people you would rather not see naked. So how is this any different?

Excellent point! And if we follow through with this proposal I will be able to see your point even better! I recognize that there will have to be sacrifices. You can’t restrict the bottomlessness to certain people that happen to turn you on. It has to be available to everyone. But think about it! The thrill of seeing those few just might be worth the aggravation of all the rest. Besides, think of the boost to self-esteem. You’re walking along feeling a bit glum and somebody says, “that is an awesome penis you’ve got there!” It brightens up your whole day! I think I have made a good case for it, but naturally (get it? naturally!) I welcome your comments, Just put them down below. (I know how much you like to put things down below, if you get my drift) And remember! It’s all in good fun!